bad movies

Before I get to typing: Holy smokes, but how about this Edward Snowden character? Check your six, bud. Thanks for the greatest week of national security news in the last few years.

Lets get to typing

Yes, lets! Yesterday, I dug The Good, the Bad and the Ugly on DVD out of a bargain bin at a Best Buy. And I bought it, naturally.

See, I rode my bike up to a sporting goods store to buy socks, and there’s a Best Buy right next door. Whenever I find myself within 100 yards of that Best Buy and having purchased some sort of material good – anything, gum, you name it — I always think to myself:

“While I’m here: Why not go to Best Buy and dig through the bargain bin for a movie?

“Treat yourself right.

“It’s been a long week.

“You’ve earned it.”

And usually I haven’t. It’s been just any other week, you understand. But it’s this kind of thinking that’s gained me copies of Beetlejuice and Enter the Dragon.

Read more »


I should have gotten a monocle

It is hot as a mug out. It’s what, 90 degrees? Holy smokes. Summer is here. I’m sitting at your favorite coffee shop again, watching through the window as warm-looking people walk in the warm air. Once I get up from here I’m getting on the bike and riding somewhere through this soup. Not sure where, yet. But keep your fingers crossed I don’t bust a flat! Your good vibes will count.

Read more »

one big block quote

I’m home sick with a sore throat.

Q: My son is 13. After I caught him with porn on his smartphone, I replaced it with a dumb phone and limited his access to the internet at home. We have talked about desensitization and the oppression of women that occurs with porn. Yet the hormones rage on. He has asked me to buy him a Playboy. I need to play this right. I want him to come to me to talk about sex, but a mom buying her son porn doesn’t seem okay. If I don’t buy him a magazine, he will seek porn on the non-parent-regulated internet. If I do purchase porn for him, doesn’t that just encourage him to walk the path of porn?

– Baffled By Teenaged Boys

A: If your son wants old-fashioned, preinternet porn—do they still publish Playboy?—he can acquire it in the old-fashioned, preinternet manner: He can get his ass to a bodega or a convenience store or a truck stop and steal some porn mags. My brothers and I learned important life lessons shoplifting porn when we were your son’s age: to be watchful, to seize opportunities, and to run like hell.

Dan Savage writes an advice column. it’s great stuff, and the first thing I look for when I pick up a copy of the Washington City Paper.

measures of success

I promised myself I would get some sleep tonight, and I’m failing myself, really just failing myself. I was going to go running tomorrow morning before work but I don’t see it happening.
Read more »

the fridge

I’m still listening to this Dust album.

no, that’s a lie! a damn lie. only seven words in, and I’m already lying. I’m only listening to a particular song from this Dust album. I happen to think it’s the best track, is all.

that opinion has definitely been affected by an early presentation; I originally heard this tune at a record store a few weeks ago, and I went home and looked it up, and what’s the first thing I found? this video. a dreamer, some savant with a decent amount of time on their hands, took a Dust song and laid it over a scene from Vercingétorix, a French movie about the eponymous historical chieftain who, after leading a Gallic revolt, has to give it up to occupying Roman legions in 52 BC.

Read more »

hold spoons

I started running again a week or two ago after taking nearly a year off. a year! man.

I’ve never been a particularly fast runner and, after the back pain that caused my layoff, I might not be capable of a marathon again. but! I’m capable of being a steady runner.

so that’s what I’ll do, I’ll stay steady. I read somewhere that the bushmen of the Kalahari practice what’s called persistence hunting, where they slowly run down prey. they nag and chase antelopes for hours in 100-degree heat, until the antelope is exhausted. then they kill it and eat it. probably cool off with a Gatorade or what have you.

that seems like a good, practical skill to have.

Read more »

I made a resolution

today is my birthday.
I honestly don’t give a shit. honest, bro. I didn’t do anything last year, save go for a bike ride. I rode my bike down to Hains Point and I brought a book. I got there, read for about half an hour, marveled at the juxtaposition of the beautiful scenery and the garbage floating in the water, and watched the planes take off and land at National across the river. then I rode home. and poof, there it went. I was 29.
and so here is 30.

Read more »

here is some BS about a door frame

I haven’t written anything on here in a while, and when that happens, oh man. I always get to thinking:

is this it? is this the end of the blog?

Read more »

you’re still okay in my book, Charlie Brown

the other night I found myself in a conversation that touched on astronomy.

for as much as I like science fiction, I really don’t know much about astronomy. I recognize those subjects don’t necessarily go hand in hand, but all the same I think that’s telling.

anyway, I digress. Jupiter brought it up. Jupiter was very high in the sky early this week, and the sky was clear on Monday night. and there it was, a very bright dot right next to the moon, almost straight up above. I had to lean out of my window to see it. and it was something else!

and so I found myself saying, “I don’t know the first thing about astrology.” but I had misspoken. “or astronomy, I mean. or either.” and this is true.

and then I was saying, “I’d like to know more about both, though.” but this is not true, upon reflection! I had opened my mouth, and this terrible lie had fallen out. so I have to take responsibility for this.

because, what the hell was I talking about? I have a deep skepticism of astrology borne of experience! professional experience. professional astrological experience …

Read more »

write headlines

I am watching a movie. Battle Beyond the Stars. it was released in 1980, and it kinda combines Dune, Star Wars and The Magnificent Seven. it stars no one I’ve ever heard of, and the inimitable Robert Vaughn — who was in The Magnificent Seven, as a matter of fact! how about that.

now, I know what you’re thinking: with a recipe like that, this flick must be great, right? it must be. well that’s what I thought, too. but oh, if only that were so.

because no. it is terrible, and that’s a bummer. what the hell is Robert Vaughn doing here anyway? I kind of assumed that the man fell on hard times — he even turned up doing television spots for an ambulance chaser a few years back — but I didn’t know he was slumming as far back as the early eighties. it could be that I’m not as caught up on Robert Vaughn’s filmography as I would have believed. so please forgive me. there’s only so much time in the day.

Read more »