draft lost

I recently wrote a story about a day in the life of a man who volunteers to be a participant in one of those world’s biggest gang bang pornos. I recently wrote this story, and I’ve lost the draft. it is, poof, gone.

technical computer error. I deleted my only copy. that’s some dumb shit! and it’s probably best this way, that I didn’t finish writing it and try to publish it. but it’s a shame, really.

I’m afraid I won’t be able to explain why I would write such a story without sounding like a pervert. these are stange seas to navigate. but understand: I thought this was a good idea. and really, it’s a good idea. I may start again.

I can’t remember how it came to me, what set me off on this goddamn fool’s errand. but it did, and so off I went. I found myself reading interviews, watching documentaries. but ultimately, writing it took wading directly into some dark shit. I mean, to do so you ultimately gotta watch the video. not necessarily front to back, but enough of it to get the gist.

the gist

now, I bet you and the average joe haven’t taken the time to watch one of these, and that’s understandable. but you and average joe weren’t trying to write a short story on the subject. because you and joe aren’t stupid assholes. but! now that your interest is irrevocably piqued, let me be your guide.

to start, they’re certainly not erotic. they are less an exercise in eroticism than they are an ethnographic study. but, it’s still pornography which, just like all other forms of media, will employ gimmicks to attract eyeballs. I really can’t imagine anyone watches these and becomes aroused, but you have to draw viewers somehow and so in these world’s biggest videos, the record-setting is obviously the gimmick. and to further enhance the spectacle, the dudes on camera are — for the most part — not professionals but rather fans, enthusiasts. porn enthusiasts.

as such, it’s a lot of very average looking men robotically thrusting away at a very cosmetically enhanced woman. and the dialogue is unscripted and wonderfully workmanlike. things like: you need some water? water bottle, stage left! and I need something in my hand!

quickly, you lose interest in the production’s goal: to record one woman with as many sexual partners in one grueling instance. and instead, the most terrible, interesting moments become those that occur the background, when the camera takes in a crowd of men.

a crowd of men, with slumped shoulders, bad tattoos, unflattering haircuts, farmer tans, queued up in a line, wearing ankle socks and Reeboks and not much else, unnerved by their nudity, trying to maintain an erection, waiting their turn, and all “so happy to be here, man, tryin’ something new. livin’ life.”

who are these men? where did they come from? where did they go home to? what did they have for lunch? what’s the day job? how did they arrive at this moment in their life? I want to know about the choices that led to this moment. for the sake of brevity, the narrative would only follow one person. but it could have been engaging, I think.

good story? no? I think so. it’s probably for the best that the draft’s been lost.

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