the holidays are upon us

Season’s Greetings!

2010 is almost in the books, and may be by the time this annual message of holiday cheer reaches you. It’s been a busy one, to be sure. Lots of happenings out there in the world, with some of it good, some of it bad: Did anyone see the finale to “Lost?” Pretty godawful. But I digress. On to the family updates!

The most noteworthy happening this year would undoubtedly land in Grandma Mary’s corner, as she marked 90 years of saucy attitude in September. Grandma celebrated her birthday at a Valparaiso restaurant with family and friends, and we all enjoyed what has been a vibrant life.

Yet Grandma remains spry as she enters her tenth decade. In fact, in August, she, Valerie and Mary trekked along the Great Lakes to Quebec City, Canada’s breakaway provincial capital. Along the way they visited family in suburban Detroit, bartered for beads and pelt with the natives, rode a barrel over Niagara Falls, and traded caustic barbs with French Canadiens. Truly, a good time was had by all.

But they could not linger on the banks of the St. Lawrence for long. Nay! For Mary had class to attend! And attend she did. In fact, just this semester, she completed her Library Science graduate degree at Indiana University … and is now the chief librarian and A-1 bellringer at a high school in Milton, Massachusetts. Mary officially begins in early January, and plans to run her media center with a cruel-but-steady hand. That means no chewing gum or soda pop, you punk kids! Great job, Mar!

Back in Indiana, Valerie and Grandma continue to man the ramparts of Castle McMullan. Valerie has been at Highland’s Warren Elementary for XX years now, and still handles a bevy of handicapped students across Lake County. Her piano playing is starting to pick up steam, and she’s excited – just like the rest of you – for Britain’s royal wedding planned for April. A lovelier couple – one borne of high birth and generations of inbreeding – could not be imagined.

Yet there remain the strange rumblings coming from the near east: Family scion Anna has entered into the savage DC public school system. Her pre-kindergarten program at a Capitol Hill elementary is taught en Español, and she is participating in a gymnastics class … grave examples of foreign influence in our school system, though we’re not sure what kind. Possibly some sort of Cuban-Chinese plot, shrouded in vagary.

Doting parents Virginia and Mike, meanwhile, find their time increasingly taken by the little bushwhacker. Anna is quite attached to her mom and dad; the former still with an environmental protection nonprofit, the latter in his sixth year with a bastion of intelligent, rational debate: a cable news station.

But Mike, already known for his predilection for inane conspiracy theories, has found his positions buffeted by Matt and his taste for class-war innuendo. After, uh, voluntarily leaving his position at a Virginia newspaper, middle-child Matt found his way north to the nation’s capital, where he was able to con a childhood advocacy nonprofit into offering him a position in communications. Having Matt close by (read: sleeping on the couch in the basement) has been fun for everyone. He occasionally buys groceries, makes sure to flush, and is always up for emergency babysitting duties. So helpful!

And so the stage is set: Things are spinning out of control. Can Castle McMullan stand against the insidious globalization that a bilingual Anna represents? Can Mar hold down a job? Will Matt get his own apartment? Will Valerie actually throw a Royal Wedding party?

2011 will have to play out before we can guess at these answers. But however it shakes out, we imagine it will be another fun year. So, from our home to yours: Merry Christmas, and happy holidays!

– The World Class Wreckin’ Cru

2 comments so far

  1. TK on

    Classic. This is the kind of letter that I’d like to receive or write.

    Voluntarily, of course.

  2. Smith on

    Best line:

    “Possibly some sort of Cuban-Chinese plot, shrouded in vagary.”


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