important business

me: phil

(Phil signs off)

oh, you’re gonna do me like that

(Phil signs on)

Phil: you son of a bitch
me: i got important information
that you need to KNOW
Phil: drop it on me
me: they’re filming parts of transformers 3 in gary
i know these movies make you want to, what do the kids say …
“cream your jeans”
anyway, they’re filming there because it looks like “ukraine”,
and “war-torn”

Sent at 10:17 AM on Thursday

Phil: nothing like using your town as a war-torn setting to build pride in community
me: we should go find bruckheimer
and beat him with a tube sock full of quarters
Phil: that would be awesome.
Sent at 10:20 AM on Thursday

Phil: So freecreditreport/com is trying to find a new queer band to be in their commercials so they are showing them al on TV and it makes me want to pull fingers off with pliers
Sent at 10:22 AM on Thursday

me: what happened to the old one
i bet the lead singer OD’ed and the drummer spontaneously combusted
Phil: I think it was something like taht
Sent at 10:24 AM on Thursday

me: free credit report . com bands make me want to start fires and kick dogs
or, i dont know
wait for the mailman to arrive, and then do a running kick right into the side of his knee
Phil: I want them to drink my pee…..not in a weird sexual way
I just want them to drink pee