take that to the bank

“weak.” — mom’s judgment on “Hard to Kill” starring Steven Seagal.

I watched this movie last night with my mother.  it involves two sex scenes (during which our hero freely gropes), a lot of dislocated limbs and Steven Seagal wearing track suits and mumbling
in “Hard to Kill,” Steven Seagal uses a lot of aikido moves to horribly maim a series of antagonists, and while training, uses accupuncture and buddhist meditation techniques to get back up to fightin’ strength. he also has a ponytail.
the one thing about Steven Seagal’s movies: I don’t think of him in character. it isn’t Mason Storm, seeking vengeance for his dead wife and kid. no, it’s Steven Seagal. Seagal is kneecapping that cholo. Seagal is breaking that dirty cop’s arm before shooting the other dirty cop three times at ten paces with a large-caliber handgun. 
it makes the movie all that more entertaining to think of it as some sort of extension of the lead actor’s fantastical ego. I mean, when you watch this bullshit, what else is the point? it probably made Seagal a couple million dollars, tops. it served no other function than that. 
but one thing you’ll notice when watching Steven Seagal movies: he’s clearly an asshole. I could be wrong, but it looks to me like he follows through just a little too much on every punch he throws in the action sequences. the stuntmen had to have gone home from those shoots saying, “thanks a lot, dick. you bruised my sternum and broke three ribs on me for the sake of realism.”

important shit

I signed up to run the Marine Corps Marathon in late October through the Ishan Gala Foundation, which raises money for cancer research. you can find the foundation here.
anyway, I’m looking to raise some duckets for the foundation, and any little bit of help would be appreciated. that’s right, I’m asking for your funds. that’s a first for the blog, and I’m gonna have to do a lot more than mentioning it on here to get anywhere near the $1,000 I’m gunning for. because no one reads this shit. it may be, boys and girls, that raising money for the marathon/foundation may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back … and gets me to join Facebook again.
but not just yet. click here and give me some money please.


2 comments so far

  1. R on

    you totally have a gigantic loyal blog fan base. but you forgot to mention that most of us get paid peanuts. and not even the good kind. kroger peanuts. THATS RIGHT, I SAID IT.

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