hoops hoopshoops hoops hoopsh

twelve hours later:

I got “Die Hard” on the tube. this movie is stupid with a capital Dumb, but it sure is fun to watch. a good 80’s action movie. the glory days of xenophobic, sappy, gratuitous-violence machines. when Bruce Willis had hair. but anyway, fuck all that. let’s talk about hoops.

first, my final four has changed since noon. ever so slightly. they will be in the bolds below.

tha west

okay, to begin, let’s just go ahead and pencil in the number ones into the second round, and then into the sweet sixteen without much thought. this line of thinking works very well with Syracuse, which lost its last two games but nevertheless will not fuck up and bow out early. it doesn’t matter if their center is gimpy; they’re still loaded for at least two wins without so much as blinking. I got them getting over Butler and into the Elite Eight, though Butler is basically the same team that lost in the first round last year, only older (read: less dumb), so they could pull off that upset.
but Xavier will get over Pittsburgh in the second round to meet Kansas State who will be fresh off of topping BYU, and then will advance again. because Jordan Crawford is my man. because he actually played at Indiana for one glorious year and he jammed on Lebron. 
this is the team that will win the bracket. because that video is awesome.

tha midwest

this one’s the no-brainer, though there’s a lot of talent in it.
I think Maryland will beat Michigan State in the second round. and then get rolled by Kansas, but Greivis Vasquez will still do something like shit-talk in Spanish despite being in a twenty-point hole. Georgetown, a really good team, will meet Ohio State, a really average team entirely supported by star Evan Turner. but he could go off and play wonderfully through the tournament and bring the rest of that goddamn abomination of a university with him. that’s entirely possible, he was just rollin’ in the Big Ten tourney. but I don’t think that’ll happen. because, I don’t know. I think Georgetown is better, and pissed at losing to a bunch of slack-jawed yokels like WVU on Saturday night in Madison Square Garden, and will ride that deep into the bracket.
but not deep enough to beat giant white guy Cole Aldridge, Sherron Collins and Xavier Henry. their big three beats out Georgetown’s big three. so Kansas over Georgetown and into the Final Four.  

tha east

I think the Wake Forest and Texas matchup would be one most uninteresting game to watch from the stands in the first round, and it’s a shame that I have to pick a winner out of it. I wish I could give better describe my boredom with this game, but I’m at a loss. Texas was ranked No. 1 this season, and won it’s first gajillion games before going 7-9 down the stretch in the Big 12. weak. they aren’t gonna figure it out in the tourney. which is fine with me. fuck Rick Barnes, and fuck Texas. this isn’t his fault, I’ll give, but if you’re school is a national contender every year in college football, I usually despise your hoops program as a rule. leave basketball to the rest of us, you greedy fucks. this applies perfectly to my feelings on Ohio State … but strangely, not to Florida. everything’s got wrinkles, I guess.
anyways, here’s where the levee breaks on the number ones: Kentucky won’t get past the Sweet Sixten. I don’t know about your dumb ass, but I saw a team on Sunday that needed overtime to beat Mississippi State. I don’t care that John Wall is faster than everyone on the court and can draw fouls at will. that cheeseball used-car salesman Calipari starts three freshmen. and that means they go for stretches in which they play stupid and rely on talent.
well, I don’t think god rewards dumb. and I believe in god. so I got them losing to Temple, which is probably completely wrong. and truthfully, I hate Kentucky, because I went to Indiana, and what’s filling out a bracket for if not indulging your own prejudices and misinformed opinion?
so I’m picking Temple, because I think Kentucky is due to look bad. fuck that team.
in the other leg of this bracket, West Virginia will beat the New Mexico Lobos (best mascot in the field) and then get past Fran Dunphy (whom my dad knows, I think) and the Owls, and into the Final Four. because, you gotta indulge sentimentality too sometimes. to hell with it. I’m for Huggins, and I’m with West By God.

tha south

the south is lame. Duke is a number one? they beat Virginia, Miami, and Georgia Tech to win the ACC tourney. I live in an ACC town, and I work at the local paper. trust me, Virginia sucks, and they sucked even before their leading scorer had to leave the goddamn team because he skipped all of his art classes. Miami was at the bottom of the league. and Georgia Tech is … anyway, beating those three teams won Duke the ACC this year, and that shit is weak.
so after getting inexplicable dap from the selection committe, the Blue Devils, who always manage to have a bunch of waspy, disciplinarian types on the team, will get past Louisville in a close one, and lose to Texas A&M. I’ve got nothing to support this; I know fuckall about Texas A&M. but I read somewhere today that Duke hasen’t been past the sweet sixteen in, like, six years. and that’s a pretty surprising little trivia nugget. so why break with that now?
elsewheres in the south, Old Dominion will beat Notre Dame before losing to Baylor, which is coached by a pudgy guy from Valparaiso named Scott Drew. Purdue will beat Siena, because regardless of how they’ve looked they’re still worth at least one win in the tournament. Purdue losing as a number four is the trendy high-seed upset, but it won’t happen. don’t do it, America.
and then, Baylor will beat Richmond before meeting A&M in the Battle of Texas sometime next week in Houston. and that will make four.

so I got: Baylor, West Virginia, Kansas and Xavier.
come on, that’s feasible. that’s totally feasible. you could see that, not even stretching.
I know it’s not. but eh, at least I know how I got there. I tried to get into a bracket at work, but the only one going around is being administered through Facebook. so I’d have to sign up for Facebook to participate, and the burning dumb flame of desire to get into a pool and recklessly gamble with ten dollars that I don’t have is a strong flame indeed, but I don’t know if it’s worth giving up this lovely self-imposed exile from social networking sites. I am in the wilderness. so I think I’ll just print one out and fill it in by pen instead. 

and, just to make note: did you see that Gorillaz has put out a new album? I have the first two albums.
think about that. I own two British electropop albums fronted by a bunch of cartoon characters with an elaborate backstory. and I’m excited to listen to the next one. either that is telling, or the fact that I find this embarassing is. I will leave that up for you to consider.

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at noon the day before:

Final Four picks.

Kansas, West by God Virginia, the fightin’ Scott Drews of Baylor, and Butler. I will expand upon this at great length and at interest to no one in the near future.


3 comments so far

  1. Smith on

    I actually just ordered the new Gorillaz album a few days ago. I hope it’s good.

    The fact that you think Die Hard is stupid tells me that you are a fucking moron.

  2. Goran Vukovic on

  3. […] Posted March 31, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized | hoops revisited remember my bracket? yeah, you remember that shit. you loved it. well, I got most of it wrong, as did we all, but I got […]

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