this is important, god damn it

a lot has been going on in the news.
Virginia’s next governor, it has been revealed, wrote his master’s thesis on why wimmin have no place in the workforce, why fags shouldn’t get the same benefits afforded to heterosexual marriages, and bemoaning legal contraceptives for unmarried couples, because these things are affronts to the traditional family. many people are shocked by this news. I am not. when Bob McDonnell went to graduate school, it wasn’t called Regent University, it was Christian Broadcasting Network U! because nothing says “higher learning” like Pat Robertson. 
and what else. Los Angeles, as usual, is going to burn to the ground. let’s mosey on over, across the web, to the LA Times, and see what’s what … yes. the Southland is fucked, as usual.

but fuck all of that. because Football Season is upon us. It is back, having descended from the skies. It has returned, like It said that It would.
with the advent of professional football, also comes fantasy football. I am in four leagues this year, an all-time high. technically, three of these do not matter, while the fourth league — BWS valpo season 2009 — matters greatly.
bear in mind, this is nothing against the formidable competition in the others. they’re just not putting money on them.

I love to toot my own horn about this; this will be my fourth year in the Buffalo Wild Wings league, and I’ve won it twice now. I do this through a carefully calibrated combination of stingy trade refusals, workhorse running backs, and blind luck. I’m also of the opinion that if you fuck up your draft, no amount of finagling with the other jackasses in your league will make it right; none of us are master criminals, no matter how much Sportscenter we watch and Rotoworld.com we read. so I try to get it right the first time, and then ride the season out.
this year, the draft was last night. I had planned to do it from work, as I sit in front of a fucking computer for eight hours a day (and I’ll be doing it again in about three hours!), but, because working for Media General is equivalent to working for a despotic 14th-century warlord, I’m not allowed to install any updates to any program on my computer myself. I have to get the IT guy to do it, and I need a good reason to ask for it. so I can’t install the Flash upgrade on Internet Explorer, and therefore, can’t participate in Yahoo’s fantasy football online drafts from the office. son of a biscuit.
so I called Mike up and got him to draft for me from DC. because that’s what brothers are for. here is what he/I got for Team Sexual Warrior:

took Drew Brees at QB in the first round; he’ll throw for a bajillion yards this year, so that was a good call.
by the time the second round rolled in, all of the top-tier running backs were gone. so got Randy Moss as the #1 WR.
same held true for the third round, so got Roddy White for the #2 WR.
at this point, everything had gone to shit; my first inclination is to take the best QB available, and then draft running backs. but apparently, everyone else in the league thinks this is a good idea, too. so now they’re all gone, and I’m starting Felix Jones and Darren McFadden while I wait for Marshawn Lynch to serve his three game suspension. shit.
my tight ends suck; I’ve got John Carlson from Seattle and Tony “I’m on the downward slope of my career and Kyle Orton is throwing to me” Scheffler from Denver.
the kicker is interchangable and not really worth mentioning, and I have Miami’s D. I’ll give Mike that one, he’s right; that team’s on the upswing, and Parcells is the general manager, which, as he pointed out, means they’re not going to have scrubs on defense.
Mike got Ted Ginn Jr., and Hakeem Nicks as backup wideouts. Nicks is another good call, because he has as good a chance as any to catch passes for the Giants ever since Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg while wearing sweatpants at an NYC nightclub and got a prison sentence for it. talk about rough justice for a fashion faux pas.
and I’ve also got Beanie Wells at RB, and Carson Palmer to spell Brees.
and that’s it.

so truthfully, I think the first week of the season is going to hurt. wide outs are prone to violent mood swings in fantasy football productivity, and that’s the one thing I’ve got a lot of. but I’ve got high hopes once we get into October. we forced Virginia off of her computer (and a conference call) so I could take another swing at being crowned king of the Buffalo Wild Wings dipshits for another year, so I’m already in a debt that I can’t pay off in bartending tips. so please, let’s all cross our fingers and hope everything goes well, and McFadden can gain more than thirty yards against San Diego in two weeks.

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1 comment so far

  1. Smith on

    don’t forget that my league ain’t a freebie. $25 bucks yo.


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