it’s the most wonderful time of the year

I’m watching an ESPN Phone Report from NFL reporter Chris Mortensen. it’s about the Jay Cutler situation in Denver.
oh. oh, I’m sorry. you don’t know what ‘the Jay Cutler situation in Denver’ is? well, here, read about half of this and try not to laugh. it’s like reading satire.

so lets follow along as I fill out my bracket. I am fairly confident that I know more about college basketball than anyone who reads this regularly (those of you that I know of) and that includes my brother. because fuck him, that’s why.
this is some serious bullshit, too, because this is going in the esteemed Office Pool. I won the motherfucker last year, but it was run by one of the sports stringers, and he’s kind of a burnout, and I don’t think he ever paid me out in full. this year, though, it’s in the hands of someone slightly more responsible. I could make some serious scratch ($30) if I win. and then I’m putting all of that on black. so.

the Midwest
Louisville over whichever poor bastards win the right to step in front of them.
Siena over Ohio State, because I hate Ohio State.
Utah over Arizona, because Arizona is awful.
Wake Forest having a bad game (it could happen!) and losing to Cleveland State.
West Virginia stomping Dayton.
North Dakota State losing bad to Kansas, after making the tournament in its first year of eligibility (neat!).
Boston College over USC.
and Michigan State over Roger Morris. 

and then West
UConn over UT-Chattanooga, the poor sons of bitches.
Texas A&M over Brigham Young, because, because I don’t know. I know nothing about these teams.
Purdue and MY MAN Robbie Hummel of Valparaiso, Indiana over Northern Iowa.
Washington over Mississippi State, because they had better. Miss got in by winning the SEC tournament, and the SEC is awful.
Marquette losing because they can’t help it anymore to Utah State, who apparently won 30-some games. is that right?
Cornell losing to Mizzou.
California to Maryland.
and Memphis throwing down some highlight reel shit against Cal State Northridge.

but oh, there’s more, the East
Pittsburgh over Eastern Tennessee Sate.
Oklahoma State over Tennessee, because Tennessee blows.
Florida State losing to Wisconsin, because I hate Wisconsin, a team whose style of play is bland and uninspiring. just like that state. but it sometimes works. and you know what, Bo Ryan gets way too much credit as a coach. they’re a 12 seed. they lost to Ohio State in the Big Ten championship semis, for christ’s sake, in a stale fart kind of way. the selection committee let them in because, “ehh, fuck it, let’s go get lunch.”
Xavier over Portland State.
VCU over UCLA, because VCU is actually pretty good, and UCLA is having a reloading year.
American getting a mudhole stomped in that ass by Villanova, for two reasons: my co-worker’s brother in law is American’s starting forward, and there’s no way that’s a good stat; and they’re playing in Philadelphia, and that’s not even fair.
Texas past Minnesota, because Minnesota sucks less than Tennesse but much more than Wisconsin does.
and Duke over Binghamton.

and then, to end, the South
UNC over Radford.
LSU losing to Butler, because Butler’s better than an 8 seed easy.
Illinois over Western Kentucky.
Gonzaga over Akron.
Temple losing to Arizona State.
Syracuse over Stephen F Austin … where the hell is that place?
it’s in Nacogdoches. I just looked it up.
Michigan losing to Clemson, because fuck them, that’s why.
and Oklahoma blowing out Morgan State.

and, that’s where I’ll leave it, because this is getting kind of long. I’ll finish it later.
update: later means Wednesday night.


3 comments so far

  1. Deputy Sergeant Arthur Gault: on

    Believe in something, even if it’s wrong, believe in it!

    Glenn Beck

  2. Lang on

    There is no situation more dire, more pressing than the Jay Cutler Situation. It shall forever be a clever euphemism.

  3. […] guess what else the Bears signed  drama queen/pro-bowl quarterback Jay Cutler, of the Jay Cutler situation. fuck yes. I am on board. because, yes, this could turn out like your boy Herschel Walker with […]

Comments are closed.