deli meat

tonight, my uncle opined about the origins of salami.

“back in old Italy, they usedta breeda the piggsa. and they’d have a big ol’ buck pig, and his job was to fuck all of the female pigs and make baby pigs. and by the end of his run, he’d always be a tough old piece of meat.
“so what they’d do is they’d cut his testicles off …”

my brother jumps in and says, “why’s it always gotta be about the testicles?”

undeterred, my uncle continues. “and they fatten the motherfucker up for two years, because once he loses his balls he stops moving around as much and it creates a chemical imbalance, and they let all of that succulent meat on him marbleize.
“then they eat his ass.
“and that’s where salami comes from.”