convention ends

I had an awful night at work.
right now, I’m watching the rerun of the speech. in my boxers. drinking beer, eating grapes. I missed the speech earlier, as I was desperately trying to prepare the front page for the speech’s inclusion before deadline, that was a “hard” deadline, according to my boss. and I missed it. the deadline, I mean.

and now, I’m gonna show you that if you watch a political speech and write down only the soundbites and buzzwords that you hear, then politicians sound pretty god damned dumb, though occasionally inspired. this is not news to anyone. but I’m bored and I feel like typing, with very little purpose.

here we go.

he shouts out to Dick Durbin. accepts nomination. the crowd goes wild. there’s a lot of people at that football stadium. the Broncos still suck.
Obama gives a special shoutout to Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton (it’s cathartic for Clintonites, everyone.). to Ted Kennedy and Joe Biden.
he makes note of how Biden gets along with everybody, even the Amtrak train conductors on the train he takes home every night. because if you’ve been living under a god damned rock for a week, you wouldn’t know that Joe Biden commutes to DC from Wilmington daily. and that shit is folksy.
Obama launches right into how the economy sucks, and blames it – partly – “on the failed politics of Washington and the broken policies of George W. Bush.”
“America, we are better than these last eight years.” yeah, can’t argue with that. job loss, he says! homeless vets, New Orleans 2005!
“next week in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask you for a third.” yep. and they’ll probably get it.

Obama launches into a lengthy indictment of John McCain.
he says, “now, I don’t believe Sen. McCain doesn’t care about ordinary Americans. I just think he doesn’t know.”
makes fun of free market economics (edit: this is easily the best part of Obama’s speech):

for over two decades – for over two decades, (McCain’s) subscribed to that old, discredited Republican philosophy: give more and more to those with the most and hope that prosperity trickles down to everyone else.
in Washington, they call this the “ownership society,” but what it really means is that you’re on your own. out of work? tough luck, you’re on your own. no health care? the market will fix it, you’re on your own. born into poverty? pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, even if you don’t have boots. you are on your own.
well, it’s time for them to own their failure. it’s time for us to change America. and that’s why I’m running for president of the United States.

talks about how his gramps fought in Patton’s army, and how his mom worked real hard to raise him, about student loans and scholarships, etc. factory workers losing their jobs. his hardworking grandmother, who poured everything she had into him. because for christ’s sake, you dumbfuck Drudge Report-reading hillbillies, he’s not that unlike you.
“now, I don’t know what kind of life John McCain thinks celebrities lead, but this has been mine.” that’s a nice little dig there. I’d be pretty pissed too if that gold digging scion of military royalty kept on calling me Paris Hilton.

“I’ll safely harness nuclear power.” he’ll invest $150 billion into alternative energy in the next decade. make fuel eficient cars more affordable, doesn’t say how. improve education. will “recruit an army of new teachers.” improve teacher salary. expect more accountability. improve healthcare system. he’ll change bankruptcy laws so your pension’s covered before the CEO’s is. protect social security. and, oh yeah, equal pay for women. sweet! I’m for all of these things.

he’s gonna break down Washington bureaucracy. and he’ll … wait. Michelle Obama claps like a god damned fish. it’s not hard, Michelle Obama, come on. just, you know, clap.
he, points out that he opposed the Iraq war, while McCain didn’t. how he wanted more troops in Afghanistan before McCain did.
calls again for timeline for troop drawdowns in Iraq. calls McCain “stubborn.”
“you don’t defeat a terrorist network that operates in 80 countries by occupying Iraq.” thank fucking god a national politician said this on prime time in front of 75,000 people.

he’ll end the war in Iraq and finish the fight in al-Qaida and the Taliban. he’ll rebuild the military. stop nuclear proliferation. curb a newly aggressive Russia. he’ll restore our moral standing in the world.

“patriotism has no party. I love this country. and so do you. and so does John McCain.” I seriously doubt that’s gonna stop the McCain campaign from questioning his patriotism, though. I mean, can’t we just fucking agree that we all love the god damned troops and we’re not trying to get them killed by not voting for war funding?

“don’t tell me we can’t uphold the 2nd Amendment without keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals.”

“all across America, something is stirring. what the naysayers don’t understand, is this election has never been about me. it’s about you.”
ok, fuck it, that’s enough. no, no it’s not. now, I don’t necesssarily think it’s all about Obama, either, but in two years, no matter who’s the president, we’re all gonna hate our elected officials all the same. that shit’s not going to change. every four years, we just make lots of placards and speak in vague generalities about “renewing America’s promise” and “change we can believe in,” but it’s all the same shit. the poor will still be poor, the rich will still be rich, jobs will still head overseas and we’ll still spend a ridonkulous amount of our budget on the national defense budget while public schools fail and NAFTA turns us into a nation, 300 million strong, of unemployed liberal arts majors and freelance web page designers. oh, and a good chunk of the developing world? it’ll still hate us. but at least the president will seem more approachable than George Bush II. fuck him, his father, and any stupid asshole who voted for him. write that down, with my name next to it. we elected, to the presidency, a legacy pledge. twice.

what’s Obama talking about now? aah, the end of his speech. generalities. speechifying. “keep that American promise. and to quote scripture, ‘hold firmly without wavering, to the hope that we confess.’ thank you, god bless you. and god bless the United States of America.”
queue the country music.

and Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews slobber all over this shit while fireworks go off over Denver. 
okay, fine. that wasn’t bad.
well. that’s the end of that. conclusion? yeah, I’m still nonplussed, though Obama’s a good speaker. I don’t really like Democrats – who seem to be consistently toothless letdowns – but not nearly as much as I dislike Republicans. oh, god, I can’t fucking wait for the Republican convention. I can’t fucking wait. those douchebags are going to be just as annoying and twice as wrong as anything I’ve seen in the last week. my blood pressure is going to go through the roof.

yeah. you gotta acknowledge Obama’s meteoric rise over the last few years. state senator in 2003. senator in 2004. probably president by 2009.


3 comments so far

  1. Spencer on

    If McCain chooses Romney as VP I’m going to come down to c-ville and we’re going to crush a case of beer. Oh my god I hate that guy. -Spencer

  2. Spencer on

    Oops. Apparently the news broke that this Palin lady is the pick before I made that post. Eyes on the ball, Potter!

  3. Ashley L. on

    The Chinese were like, you call that a fireworks show?

Comments are closed.