Archive for October, 2007|Monthly archive page

more newz you can uze

first off. I was thinking about it.
if they don’t fire Charlie Weiss’ ass after his next loss, Notre Dame will have some ‘splaining to do. I mean, jesus touchdown christ. without that football team, it’s just another socially conservative catholic school in one of the most bland cities in the midwest. is Weiss going to bring northern Indiana down with him?

next up. this shit is fucking awesome.
the State Department granted those Blackwater guards immunity from prosecution after last month’s, uh, indiscretions in Baghdad. nice.

and lastly. this is how a James Bond film starts.
Somali pirates hijacked a Japanese ship loaded with what the U.S. government calls “a known human carcinogen.” then, they headed for the coast.
jesus. this is too ridiculous to actually happen, but just imagine what a Somali warlord would do with a couple hundred thousand gallons of “a known human carcinogen.”


TV news

I saw on CNN today that some asshole was arrested by the Cedar Rapids, Iowa police for fucking a blow-up doll in a public restroom.
this was on CNN headline news. they had his mug shot up and everything. because, you know, we all need to know about some sad, sad pervert in the heart of the Midwest who acted out his loneliness in a public john.

no, I’m serious. I’m serious, god damn it. CNN thinks you need to know what he fucking looks like. this is the news, so pay attention.

Darfur peace talks.

CIA’s ghost prisoners.

massive war protests.

and CNN is covering a public masturbator. obviously.

the Bears are 3 and 4

totally. fucking. awesome.

I miss you, football

I got off early (11:30) tonight.
so I stopped at 7-Eleven and bought beer, and, lo and behold, Auburn is at LSU and it’s close.

LSU is good. let’s start there.
it was a good fourth. lead traded a few times. and then, Auburn is up one with nine seconds to go, and nobody’s using their timeouts. Tuberville is sitting on two timeouts, and LSU is on their 18. something like that. and then, LSU lines up, and the clock’s still running, and they don’t spike it.
with nine seconds on the clock, down by a point, LSU goes for it from 15 or 18 yards out, and the motherfucker catches it. the clock hit .01. if he had dropped that, game over.
they were down one, mind you, which means that all they had to do was kick it and they win. from like 30 yards out.

Les Miles. the balls on that motherfucker.

so I was looking at air fare to Europe. hypothetically, Chicago to Dublin. if I bought a ticket now for a few months out? it’s only a couple hundred bucks.
where’s my passport. spoken like a statement.

Steven Seagal

edit: this devolved into a post where I work in as many Steven Seagal titles as I possibly could. 

it’s 2 am. time for more late-night bullshit.

“Above the Law” is on. and for those of you that don’t understand, that means put on your girly underwear and lie prone; Steven Seagal is coming through.

my brother called me tonight on his way to the West Virginia game he got tickets to. I was gonna go. but I’m working instead. he was in Cumberland.

“I’m only going to ask once. can you get off work tomorrow?”
long sigh. “no.” 
“you’re now on the one strike rule.”
“what’s that?”
“any time I ask you about a West Virginia activity, you get one strike. so we got Auburn at home next year, and if you’re still around, you can’t say no.”

I’m not going to the game tomorrow. I have to go to work. and I’m not going to lie, that fucking sucks. really. 

my ex-boss has only been gone a week, and it feels like a month. it’s kind of like being under seige (Seagal again!). like, which one of the last two copy editors will drop the ball first? when you’re responsible for the A section, night after night, you’re bound to slip up eventually. and I’m starting to play the odds.
without a supervisor there, all executive decisions (Seagal, natch) get passed down directly to me. I could basically do anything I wanted, and slip it past the city desk. maybe a dick joke or two. it would eventually put me on deadly ground (that’s three) with the management, but it’d be worth it. I need that fire down below(four, fuck you)  in my life again. and I’m not getting it at my job.

annnd, that’s more than enough.

the great sea


anybody know where this is? Mar? 

a couple of things.

I’m watching “Ghost Ship.” it’s got Gabriel Byrne, Karl Urban and that black guy who got kicked off of “Grey’s Anatomy” for calling one of his co-stars a fag. it’s pretty run of the mill, but I could stand a scary movie. it’s fucking hot outside, man. in what’s pretty near late October. god damned global warming.

for every paper, you gotta put together these refers that float above the masthead. they call them skyboxes. usually it’s for the community section, or to a high school football feature. it’s always football, though. rarely if ever is it a girls’ sport.
but tonight, they had a photographer at the UVa women’s soccer match, so I made a skybox out of one. guess what the other one was?

birth control pills. it was about birth control.
and if that doesn’t piss at least one reader off, then I don’t know newspapers.

 lastly, I feel like traveling again. I got the itch.

how nice

there are few things that Nancy Pelosi says that I agree with wholeheartedly. but sometimes, that dirty bay area hippie  goes along and does something I like!

“when I came to congress 20 years ago, it wasn’t the right time because of the Soviet Union. then that fell, and then it wasn’t the right time because of the Gulf War One. and then it wasn’t the right time because of overflights of Iraq. and now it’s not the right time because of Gulf War Two.
“and, again, the survivors of the Armenian genocide are not going to be with us.”

I love television pundits of all stripes

I have to be at work in … 34 minutes. I’m sitting in my boxers in front of the computer, watching a football roundup. I need to get moving. but.

Nebraska was down 31, in fucking Lincoln, in the first half. now they’re going to lose to Oklahoma State by about 35. so Lou Holtz just compared coach Bill Calahan’s tenure at the school to the Enron scandal.

Lou Holtz just compared Nebraska football to the Enron scandal.
my head is going to explode.
breathe that in. Lou Holtz, just compared, Nebraska football, to the  Enron scandal.

pouting in Asia Minor

I don’t know how to clearly integrate this idea into the post, but I’m not thinking clearly, and hence, nothing flows, from here on out. but anyway.

Turkey is making a big ol’ stink about a slight in the U.S. Congress, and when it does that, it fucks with the war effort!

Turkey has withdrawn its ambassador to the United States because the House subcommittee on Foreign Affairs voted 27-21 to label the genocide committed by Ottoman Turks against the Armenian minority during the Great War as “genocide.”

I mean, they’re actually fucking marching over there about this.

like, protesting outside of American consulates.

I heard a quote on BBC Radio last night, that was something like, “this is less about fact than it is about national pride at this point.” which is awesome, because it’s so ridiculous. this isn’t a person with a neurosis harboring some secret guilt. really. wrap your mind around that. an entire nation is intentionally denying this, and the way they talk about it, they’re the ones who feel slighted.

now, where this actually ends up, I’m interested in seeing. the administration needs a nice, calm, predictable Turkey for its war effort over there, and this does nothing to help that. at the same time, you have to wonder if the Turkish reaction will have any effect on the vote scheduled in Congress; will threats from Ankara get Democrats to change their mind?

and as far as the Democrats go; they aren’t willful idiots. they have to know the repercussions this shit will have in the Iraq theater. so whether that has anything to do with it will probably be determined by whether or not the vote goes through. I gotta say that I’d be surprised if this was planned. the fucking Democrats actually made an impact on the Iraq war after roughly ten months of talking shit and inactivity? no. ineptitude doesn’t just pass away in the night like that, and the Democrats are the dictionary definition of ineptitude, so that can’t be the answer.

either way, I want it to play out. just so I can see it play out. we need something better on the news networks. so do it for me, Democrats. open up the Kurdish border to incursions from a second world military force. it was entirely too calm up there to beging with. it’ll make for better TV, and I’m growing tired of hearing about Britney Spears’ custody battle. Larry King was interviewing Anna Nicole Smith’s ex-husband last night. come on, honestly, who gives a fuck?

all they want to do is dance


does this look like fun? I think this shit looks like fun. it’s like fucking candyland over there. look at those limber, spry bodies. pastels. whirling dervishes. no one, at all, suffering from malnutrition.

what’s nice, I suppose, is they’ll get rid of the warhead program. what’s not nice, however, is that a batshit crazy autocracy still rules its population with a iron fist. but I guess you have to start somewhere.